UNLUCKY

Bring me a drink, or two, three, or four, let me think...

Oh, why don’t we just buy the bottle?

It’s almost impossible not to give the dice another roll,

But my hot streak caught fire

So I had to stop, drop, and stroll

Along the boardwalk among the gulls.

Walk on the shit but never quit,

Don’t give up even if you fall...

Face first on the pavement,

Grave thirst on an empty statement.

Wait but first let’s pay rent,

Elsewise I can’t prove my intent,

Though it may be irrelevant.

More potent the quotient of my insolence left unspoken.

I’m choking.

Give me a rag and some ether,

I’ll get high while I die;

Heimlich won’t allow for either.

Found a few coins on the curb,

Stopped in a sundry shop

And dropped a hundred bucks

In a dustbin.

Felonious fingerprints follow you forever,

So I purchased a handkerchief

To wipe my hands clean.

A witless witness with his worthless wishlist.

Wicked words won’t fix his windshield.

He don’t know I can’t drive a stick shift.

Insurance don’t cover being a dipshit,

Or accidents caused by insufficient intelligence.

To be fair it weren’t such a good idea

To be driving around

Taking slugs out a bottle of rum,

Smoking blunts, doing drugs.

Now I’m trudging through the gutter,

Dragging a bundle of unlucky luggage,

Thumb got stuck and I shut my hand in a buckle.

Begrudgingly slogging on,

Sucking the blood off my fucking knuckles,

Calling my uncle to tell him I’m in trouble.

Slurring my words as I slip on a stoop

And go tumbling into the street,

Losing my cell phone, wallet, and keys down a sewer,

Only to look up and see the police.

I freeze, can’t breathe,

As they hoist me to my feet,

Pat me down, inspect my teeth,

Interrogating all the while,

But all I can say is, “Please!”

They curse and grunt and shove me away,

Can’t believe from how I look

That I was the one driving that car,

Apparently.

I’m covered in mud, unshaven and tangly,

Wearing worn out old clothes

And laden with heavy baggage.

I got no phone and no ID,

I’m totally fucked but I’m totally free.